Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.
Well as global Sheriff and all round bad a$$ i don’t get much time to cook. When I feed, its from steak houses, roach coaches or the Mrs cooking at home to be honest.
However, i am proud to tell you about this one time i slaved away on this epic…
Well, i had already eaten steak n’ eggs for breakfast, had a packet of that cheap sliced ham as a snack, a few coffee’s and a bowl of road kill seasoned with some taco seasoning, guac and a dollop of mayo for lunch. Not much i know, but i had been out on the hunt all day for this total sh!t stain of a CEO.
This prick had my guts all tied up with anger ya see. He’d sacked all of his staff and replaced them with machines that he’d imported from the empire of the east. He was now hoarding his profits whilst the people of his town starved. He didn’t care though, he just ran them over in his Bentley as he drove to his lifeless place of business from his mansion house.
To$$er!!!
So anyways, my guts were all twisted up and my mornings grub was doing a right number on me. All swollen and bloated i could barely grip my machine gun over my barrel like gut! For hours i toiled and griped and as i smashed that CEO’s head into his desk, it happened. A perfectly cooked air biscuit thundered from my dirty brown star!! My cheeks leapt into action, firstly spreading apart and then clapping back in thunderous applause, again and again. The hot moisture splatted through and stained my boxers, yet the noise from my belly burp thundered on like a freight train in the dark for what seemed an age. I paused from giving him his beating to appreciate the moment and bent at the hips to assist in opening my anal cavity for better flow, when that money grabbing CEO punched me in the gut!!!
And thats when the magic happened. As i farted my most blissful guff for months, a stool followed through and slid down my leg as i simultaneously threw up right in his face!
The stray turd made its way down my leg and ruined my sock and stained my boot. A small price to pay though, as i watched that narcasist of a money grabbing CEO choke on my stench and chunks of my puke alike.
He died like the peace of shit he was. I however showered off in his private bathroom in his lavish office.
Dooks.
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