A SHORT INTERVIEW

A SHORT TÊTE-À-TÊTE WITH TONY KEARNS, AUTHOR OF THE DOOKIE BOOKS;

PLEASE NOTE THAT SINCE THIS INTERVIEW WAS DONE, AMAZON HAVE SAID THEY MADE A MISTAKE & WILL SELL DOOKIE 2 ON THE SITE. INCUNABULA HAVE THOUGH UPHELD TONY’S REQUEST TO NOT SELL HIS BOOKS ON AMAZON.

“My whish is to be able to sell our products ‘in stores’, and support our high streets. It may take a while for me to do this, but I very much want to support local economie and businesses. Even right now for instance, our internet orders are actually fulfilled by a British company to our great British customers.” Tony Kearns, Sept 24′

December 10th, 1896, the play ‘Ubu Roi’ by Alfred Jarry was first performed at the Nouveau-Théâtre (today, the Théâtre de Paris), 15, rue Blanche, in the 9th arrondissement. The performance caused an almost riot and scandalised Parisian cultural life for years to come. Some thought the play of subversive cultural importance but many were mystified by the work’s seeming childishness, obscenity, and disrespect.

In Spring 2023, a work was passed to me by my son Caleb who asked me if I was ‘open to looking at mad writing’. Is the Pope a catholic? I received a draft of what would become ‘Dookie; A Colourful Life’. It sat on my hard drive for a couple of months as my editing schedule at the time was pretty heavy. Eventually I got around to reading it and my jaw hit the floor.

I got in touch with Tony Kearns, the author, and asked him what his literary models were. To my astonishment, Tony told me he wasn’t a big reader. He’d put the sections of Dookie together to amuse his co-workers – the characters in the book mostly being based on said co-workers.

The book is bizarre, hysterically funny, surgically satirical and quite unlike any single thing I’d ever read before. Although parallels could be drawn – the most obvious one for me, being with Jarry’s ‘Ubu’ plays. Then of course, the ‘routines’ in Burroughs’ books, Spike Milligan, Monty Python (esp Mr Creosote), comic books, South Park etc… But Dookie has its own particular ‘flavour’, and a strange naivety that is both endearing and disturbing. A second novel followed and a third (due for publication October 2024). A fourth one is being written at this very moment along with the first of a series of ‘Dookie’ comics.

The latest development is that Dookie 2 has been banned from Amazon for ‘explicit content’. I took this opportunity to pose some questions to Tony to see how he felt about the whole phenomenon.

1. The material that became the first Dookie book wasn’t originally written with the intention of it being a book, as such?

No, it wasn’t. I started writing the characters as a bit of fun for some people I worked with. The Snowflake bio’s actually started life as dating profile roasts! The D.C. character was the first & when I read it out at breaktime, the group all wanted one… The Snowflakes were born! Then they morphed into what became the second part of the first book, ‘The Snowflake rebellion’, which I wrote first. I found that process both entertaining & relaxing, so kept going with it, kind of like sitting on the toilet waiting for that third log to push through you know.

2. The people who the characters in the book are based on… how have they reacted to seeing themselves ‘in print’?

Well, the ones that know who they are, think it’s a bit of fun. I guess I could make some calls to find out if the arse hats, I used to create the Tumpytump & Poostinks characters think the same, but I’m sure the most I’ll get in response is a pot of tea… maybe? Anyhow, with each new book, more people I know want to be in them, so they’re either all nuts or realise that the characters are the most important part, for without the cast, there is no mayhem!

3. Dookie seems to have taken on a life of his own. Do you think he was waiting in your subconscious all this time, for a chance to be unleashed on the world?

Oh yeah! Dookie was my spectre for years. I have always related to the great comic book character Bruce Banner you know; I just didn’t know how to form him. Like that poor dweeb, I have spent my life pent up with inner rage and sarcasm. But now I have finally found a way to unleash my beast to the world! I still lift weights to keep my anger at bay, but now I have expressed my Dookie to the world, I seem to use him to soak up the lunacy I hear on the news & the utter crap I hear spoken at work or on the streets. I feel like my Dookie is an extension of my very being.

4. I feel that the world needs Dookie right now. He has ingenious ways of addressing problems, am I right?

Oh, like Christmas needs Santa Dave! We currently live in an imploding world of over hyped tax-politics, religion, multinational Corporations and celebrity. Believe me, we need Dookie! I reckon a few good right hooks, maybe the odd shot or two fired and Dookie would have our current bunch of leaders singing like the bunch of self-righteous, out of touch, pocket lining bitches they are. I mean c’mon, someone farts on the other side of the world and the price of beans goes up with three new stealth taxes and 2 new delivery charges over here, plus 12 almost-celebrity internet morons telling the poorest of our nation to donate even more to help the farters of the world! Surely our great nation can find someone to stand up for right, if not sanity. Dookie for P.M.?? lol

5. Dookie isn’t particularly politically left or right. How would you describe his view of the world?

Well, I have tried to place the Dragon Valley leadership in the odd realm of ‘right or wrong’. Dookie is right, the others are wrong! You see, the left of politics can be good, but too much left is bad. Likewise, the right side of politics can be good, but too much right can be bad too. Those that say centre ground is good are just pussies with no opinion. So common sense and bullets seems like a means to a righteous Dragon Valley end for Dookie. I have formed Dookie’s views to be much like my own in all honesty. I remember being taught in school about the poor souls who were forced into labouring the creation of such things as the pyramids or the great wall. They were over worked, under rated, underappreciated & were forced to live on the cheap crap food stuffs the richy-rich of the time didn’t want. I’m not sure much has changed over the past few thousand years! Dookie’s view is, something needs to change!

6. He seems to be branching into other fields of business. I see adverts popping up in the books and comics. Is this shameless opportunism, do you think?

Well, for all its faults we do live in a Capitalist society so… Yeah of course this is shameless, but shamelessly Dragon Valley style! No, the adverts are helping me build Dookie’s Dragon Valley in reality though. I have an image in my head of Dragon Valley. Soon, with the help of the adverts from the characters businesses & what not, I will unleash my Dragon Valley dreams.

7. Is Dookie afraid of anything?

Seeing his peers fall back under the thumb of their oppressive and abusive leaders. You know, taxed to the max, out priced of basic living requirements and having their working rights taken back to the dark ages. Oh yeah and spiders too.

8. Why do you think Amazon REALLY banned your book?

Well for a global American company that props up the Chinese economy, treats its staff like robots and pays less tax than an illegal immigrant, you’d think it would have to be BBC bad, wouldn’t you? But I believe it’s just because, in the opening gambit I mention a Jesus character who is rumoured to have told a Pope character to go peddle his own bullshit. Either that or maybe the bit where Dookie gives birth to a phone? I don’t know really, but since they steal all the profits from the sale of the book to help their overlord by new spaceships, it doesn’t bother me one little bit. Of course, it could just be that the Ai programme that scanned the book doesn’t have a sense of humour?

9. What can we expect from the third instalment of Dookie this October? Any chance of a teaser or two?

Well, book 3 takes Dookie out of the ‘cold’ and brings him and the gang into a new adventure, but this time they have their governments blessings and backup. Scorched Earth takes, Dookie and his buddies back to the desert lands of WW3 to help some embattled refugees take on a hoard of rampant Ass Lickers. During the mission, we will encounter a few awesome new friends too! Theirs a guy called Joe, a demon called Legion and the new leader of the North; The Sleepyman makes a first appearance. I won’t give any real details, but I will say, when me & my dad listened to the computer read out my final draft, we were laughing so much I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack. He was slumped over the edge of my sofa, glasses off, drooling and crying with laughter at a fight scene that featured ‘The Hippy Jesus’, I really thought I’d killed him! When he regained the ability, he wiped his eyes & asked me ‘what the hell is wrong with you boy?’. Enough said I reckon.