KING OF THE SNOWFLAKES & PRIME MINISTER OF DRAGON VALLEY
D.C. – local snowflake leader;
A man. Well, Half. But one hell of a half. If hell has butterflies. Ladies, Gents, Swingers, Chimps that can sign. All are welcome at Dave’s buffet of life.
The tale of the tape:5′ 9″
Skinny as a little rake
Humour; sometimes, but creepy
Mix race: veganish / human
Loves bum fun
You’ll need wellies
Dates; international
Bad boy vegan
Penis name: slug
May need psychological help
Weapon: snowflake ninja stars
Training: His mummy won’t let him
In brief:
This fixer upper is a doozie. Made to one day be on the headline news, DC has lived life to his max. Others may say “minimum” or “o right”, but DC isn’t just DC by name. The cosmos predetermined his exclusive individuality to liken him to comic book heroes such as Mr Tickle, Mr Bump or Pepper Pig so he’s no snowflake like the rest of his pathetic age group. Sure, if you like a man that has an online and gaming profile to die for then look no further. However, like Raj from the big bang theory he can’t actually speak to you ladies yet, but you’ll get the drift when he hands you a wetsuit and puts his vegan snack down.
Likes / dislikes;
Likes: Large afro Caribbean ladies over the pension age with mobility issues due to weight or uneven leg length.
Likes: Tribesmen. Hunter gatherer types from the planes of Africa or India; it’s more about the loin cloth and dirty skin.
Likes to be stepped on in heels.
Role playing is a must for DC’s next partner. He loves games such as “railway sweeper vs train”, “jedi and the storm trooper” and his favourite “dancing on ice” (you get to be the judge).
Dislikes; throat punches.
Dislikes: Getting caught in your house.
Dislikes: Meaty foods and quality lunch products. Nothing turns him off more than a ham and cheese sarnie. This would really put him off his oversized bag of vegan air puff fake crisps.
Mentionable notes;
DC does not use public toilets unless meeting a date there. He therefore confidently wears male adult nappies so he can go anywhere any time.
DC masturbates with ferocity up to eight times per day.
DC must always be kept away from monkeys, apes, zebras, and other seductive beasts, so days out should not be at the zoo or rainforest cafe. DC is currently banned from all rainforest cafes and all Dragon Valley farms, zoo’s, monkey worlds and twelve Matalan shops.
DC uses ‘Replens MD’ moisturiser all over his body
Current crushes;
The queen, Sergei the meerkat, David Seaman, Lorraine Kelly, Cast of planets of the apes,
His next-door neighbour’s grandma, His next-door neighbour’s grandpa,
Chairman Kimmy of Koran
D.C.’s updated info:
D.C. has spent years developing his diplomatic skills and put a lot of time and effort into his community projects , especially his masturbation support groups, that have been set up across Dragon Valley through his ‘side gig’, Shit anytime inc..
He’s still a skinny little rake of a man, but age has bulked his boney little body up so his ribs don’t show through his shirts anymore.
He still struggles with public masturbation, but as society has become so much more accepting of differences in humanity, the courts have agreed with D.C’s lawyers, that people must now become more accepting of his behaviour.
He and Getlan still ‘hook up’ from time to time to share stories, relax and fuck like rampant rabbits of course. The love they share will always be, but the lives they have led are so different they could never be truely together. D.C. splits his love affairs with mainly just Getlan and two others these days.
As a sideline to his career as a politician, business leader and author he also hosts a late night chat show on the Vatican’s channel 5. The show helps the religious perverts and uncontrollable masterbaters alike, stem their habits with other activities such as painting, knitting, crosswords and high power sniper rifle shooting.
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