LETS GET TO KNOW THIS RULER OF THE ‘NORTH’
This old wacky fella has seen it all. From breakfast in bed to delivered lunch burgers from his favorite golden arches. He’s eaten it all. He likes to order kiddy size cheeseburgers and pretend it’s the biggest burger you can order, due to his midget hand complex. Before uniting large swathes of less educated and well-off GreenBack clans to conquer a vast majority of the central lands Tumpytump ran a chain of seedy motels and strip joints.
Tale of the tape.
Height: 6′
Weight: very very really really average, no, honest he’s the most perfect weight he can be.
Actual weight: 23 Stone, 322lbs
Penis name: Stumps
Colour: Orange
Habits: nose picking and pussy grabbing
Talents: he’s always right.
Pet leach: covfefe
Best pal: The megalomaniac Poostinks
Combat: if anyone says he isn’t right he publicly flogs them and uses the tears from his tiny crying eyes to burn parts of their skin off. Then sends them a Twatta message to inform them and the world he was right.
Tumpytump can’t walk up or down steps, so employs a small group of Ruskie women to travel with him everywhere he goes. They pick him up and carry him up and down any stairs, steps or curbs he encounters. That’s all they do for him of course. Nothing else. Nothing. He promises.
He has restarted the war at the old southern front and built a large wall to keep, what he describes as, raping, murdering aliens out.
Tumpytump the update for the 2nd novel:
This, other than articulate, Power house of an orange Greenback has done nothing but fill his boots for years now. Unencumbered by opponents to his unyielding rule, he now governs the Greenback masses of the North, mostly from his bedroom. He likes to watch re-runs of old classics like, Little house on the prairie, Three’s company and his old timey favourite, Bill and Ben the Flower pot men, whilst tucked up in his blanky blanky.
He personally made two point three billion last year from raising prices in the six hundred Golden Arch restaurants he took over, in a rather hostile manner, some years ago. It was their fault. They made his kiddy burger full size!! Holding them made his little hands hurt. He has also, in line with the other soul suckers that run the great nations of the planet, raised taxes for the hardest working and lowest paid earners, cut tax relief for families on low incomes and cut support for those with disabilities. He has, like his premier peers, also given his buddies who run the gas, water and electrical empires the green light to rape the wallets and purses of all who use their products. Of course he, like all the other foreign Governments that have done the same thing, get all that extra tax income to their coffers. Due to this extra income from the un-adoring masses, Tumpytump and his political partners around the world have been able to increase their pay by an average of thirty eight percent over the past year.
With all his extra earnings now, he likes to play golf, a lot! Now in his senior and most wealthiest of years, he likes to take his private jet to far flung places. His recent golfing expeditions have taken him to North Koran, Ruskieland and several southern states below his, now, giant border wall. As these are ‘personal vacations’, there are no records of who he played with or what was discussed. The Government did of course foot the bill for fuel of his plane and the four others that carried his entourage, security and of his most prized possession, his Ruskie ladies.
His Ladies have, of course changed over the years. Nobody wants anyone over twenty five carrying them up and down curbs etc do they? That would be unsightly!
Tumpytump now uses D.C.’s Shit anytime inc. brand, Pull up thong Diapers. He uses this product due to an accident that occured during his penis enlargement surgery. Even in his unconsious state, it was reported, he managed to reach out to a nurse who was assisting in the procedure. He grabbed at her crotch which made her jump, understandably. She in turn dropped a knife, which sliced the tip off of his little shroomy buddy. The nurse has gone missing and the hospital he attended has recently been turned into a shopping mall with three of his Golden Arch restaurants in.
Many regular Northerners have tried to sue Tumpytump for many many wonderfully colourful things over the past few years. Ranging from, forced urination, pussy grabbing, tax avoidance, attempted vehicular manslaughter and pussy grabbing. Yes, that one comes up quite a lot. However, none of the plaintiffs ever make it to court, so he stands unblemished in his seat of power over the unfree world.
Dookiebooks | home | 