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DOOKIE: A COLOURFUL LIFE
CHAPTER 9
Careful; trigger warning / language
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PARTY OF LIGHT
That evening he met up with his new band of brothers and sisters. Hipsters, snowflakes and one miserable old sod brought together to bring happiness, peace and prosperity to the world! Well, their little corner of Dragon Valley at least.
He’d chosen not to inform the group that he’d become fond over the past months, that this was, seemingly, just the start of the fight back. It was now clear to him that this had become financial terrorism aimed at the workers of our lands by the demon-controlled bosses of massive corporations, churches, and politicians alike. Well, I mean…. It wouldn’t have been the most motivational thing to tell them, would it?
The snowflakes and Hipsters all came dressed in matching uniforms with their names printed on the back. Black skinny fit stretchy ‘jeans and the t-shirt they had printed up of hillbilly with his ol’ boy out.
“Ha-ha Really.”
Laughs Dookie.
The group surrounded him, and all held their torches just like the one he had used the previous night.
Hillbilly explains.
“My parents know all the odd bods round these parts, so I asked ’em about that O’Rhodiwan fella you got your powerful light from. My parents told me to stay clear of him. So, we went right round to his gaff!”
Then bree goes on.
“So, we asked O’Rhrodiwon where he got that torch from that he gave you. He claimed to have never met you! Then told us to fuckoff after a twenty-minute rant. So, on our way out we saw these on his shelf. Figured he was a lying sack of shit, so we nicked
em’.”
Our hero chuckles!
“Yeah, he’s a complicated geezer. Good job though guys. But remember those are superpower beam lights. I mean, a million candles. No shining in your eyes ok.”
They all laugh at him and his parental type of guidance and then begin to go over the game plan for the happiness attack:
Once the group enters the back part of the marketplace where the demon beasts will be partying, Gorey will set the speakers up. D.C. will manage the playlist. Sausage will infiltrate the a.c. unit and hold the projector, pointing it at the flattest wall possible, so the images will play out as big as can be. The rest of the crew will enter torches on full million candle brightness then roll glitter balls out to every angle they can. Throwing them as if they were grenades.
Our hero calls out
“We’ll spread the light as best we can and keep on smiling until the end”
As he does, Nash walks gingerly into the barn. His rusty sheriffs badge still causing him pain, but it seems D.C. paid him a visit and as token of good will and friendship, gave him some of his adult diapers, so that helped fix his anal leakage problems for now. But he does have a certain stench to him. Poor sod.
Nash hasn’t just come to share how the new diapers have given him his freedom and confidence back though, he’s here to help! He volunteers to prop a door open so the team can gain easy access to the party as he must attend. He also brought a torch with him! It has a strobe light on it which he believes the demon freaks will hate.
He does ask the group to ensure they attack quickly as the tear in his brown star is throbbing quite substantially. He wants to go home and soak it, as quickly as he can really.
The group welcomes him with open arms even though he pongs of poo.
The gang mounted up! Tupps loads his passion wagon with bree, Lollie and sausage. Hillbilly and Herbert gallop off at full speed. while the rest of the snowflakes jump into D.C.’s or Dookie’s cars. The gang were on the road.
It seemed like a long, quiet, tense drive down to the village car park next to Hellmart for all of them. They decide to pop into the local pub, ‘That Place’, for a bit of Dutch courage. After necking 3 shots of brand and quality unknown Vodka they each have a pee and the nervous little D.C. masturbates like a hyped-up speed freak.
Getlan, bathing in his buddies’ excitement, loudly and finally proclaimed his love for D.C.
D.C. steps away from the mess he’s made on the bar, slides Slug away and hugs his BFF. Whilst holding his embrace he calmly says.
“I know.”
The gang of socially awkward morons laugh and point, then in unison shout
“Been done!!”
The two new lovers join in the joke with their friends, clasp one another’s hand
confidently and make their way out the pub.
The gang make their way to the side entrance of the market and hide behind some conveniently located bushes. Nash nervously unlocks the door and goes inside, leaving a small stone in the doorway so it won’t fully close. Nash is now in the belly of the beast and the others know it’s their turn next.
After a few minutes, to let Nash settle in, the first wave made their move. Like clumsy Ninja, Gorey, Sausage and D.C. stumble their way through the door and on toward their positions. A few more minutes go by, and our hero leads his ground troops slowly through the corridors toward full frontal hand to hand combat.
The delicate perv, D.C., gets to his position first, the cleaners storage cupboard right next to the function room. Close enough for his Bluetooth connection to Gorey’ speakers, that he is placing just above D.C. in the old wooden rafters. He could hear the cackles of the elusive market leader as he nestled himself behind the new mops and a stack of bin bags. He quivered with nervous fear. The stress was mounting on the Noughties nerd and he knew if he were to stay focused and fulfil his role he would need to knock one out in speedy time.
D.C. masturbated.
He worried it would be the last time!
As he made sweet, fast love to himself, the tickles from the brand-new mop heads seemingly floating above him helped him to relax for those precious moments.
Then the message came through from Gorey on his phone.
‘I’m in position. Get the playlist ready. Gx’
D.C. connected his phone to the Bluetooth speakers Gorey had mounted in the rafters above the demonic beasts and he sends the text back:
“All set.”
Meanwhile, Sausage had clambered his way into the ventilation system. Crawling silently, he found the air vent right in the centre of the ceiling where the mongrel herd were partying.
He sends a txt to all.
“set”
Now poised, in position and ready to do his task, he begins to feel uncomfortable. A knot in his stomach? Is it just butterflies? But, with the warm air running through the chambers making him sweaty and regretful of munching down that sausage dinner his mother had made for him earlier. His stomach starts to bloat, pulling at the waistband of the ever tightening, stretchy, leggings he borrowed from his sister. He tries to wiggle himself to a more comfortable position. But the sweat is now pouring off him in panic. Then, A bead of sweat runs down the packed tight crack of his posterior, he couldn’t hold on any longer.
An massive but almost silent flatch protruded from his haemorrhoid palace, making his sweaty cheeks slap and crack together as if to applaud the foul aroma which it brought forth. He giggled uncontrollably, but the more he laughed the more ginormous air biscuits were dealt out into the hot, now humid heating system.
The hot air pushed the foul stench through the vents onto the trapped souls below.
As the flatulent aroma hit the demon possessed managers they instantly repelled, belly laughing out loud as they grabbed at their noses and gagged into their grabbed t-shirts. They then began finger pointing at one another as they slugged back their marketplace stolen party beers accusing one another of dropping the rotting smell of Sausage fart.
Our hero, now just outside the room, watches this frivolity through the small window in the door. He sends the text to D.C.
“NOW”
As the rare moment of management frivolity continued on, our hero and the ground troops waded into the smelly hall. The music came blasting out. The matching video beamed onto the wall and the troops rolled out the glitter balls. They rolled silently across the floor and reflected those million candles of wonderful light upon the demon fucks!
The light flung its way around the room, bouncing off the tiny mirrored ‘light’ grenades as they were kicked along in the panic and therefore bringing all the more light-filled mayhem as they did. The troops, right in the thick of it, began to sing along and bounce up and down as they saw their enemies begin to fall to the floor.
The snowflakes cheered and smiled smiles as big as can be, as they began to witness their fellow humans fight back against the devils that had enslaved them.
The greedy demons quickly lost control of their hosts as they recoiled at the snowflake’ happiness and power of the million candle torches.
However, the elusive market leader seemed to be fighting back. She cast the snowflakes aside with sweeping ease. Nash rushed to her, reaching into his jeans as he did so. He met her head on, pulling out his thick, lengthy light he cast the strobing wand across her howling face, pinning her to the corner of the room.
Meanwhile, Nikel fell instantly to his knees in front of Dookie’s light. The lonely man consumed by the greedy demon inside surrendered himself in an act of internal turmoil.
Dookie froze, with his light pointed at the decrepit twat of a man. The powerful light flooded his foe’s face as he cramped into the foetal position. Nikel released a trouser fragrance, screamed aloud then almost immediately gave anal birth to a hideously deformed and greedy turd demon. It turned to dust in the light-filled room of happiness as soon as it crept out of his womb like bowel.
Nikel lay on the floor, whimpering like an injured animal with tears streaming from his eyes and yesterday’s lunch oozing from his demon lair.
“Thank you, Dookie. Thankyou”
He whimpered.
Dookie winked a sly eye at the man and moved on.
One by one the possessed fell to the ground and secreted their demonic hosts. The dusty ashes of the demons mixed in with blood and faecal matter splattered around the room.
The gang paused for a moment. All eyes directed upon the elusive market leader and Nash, still keeping her demon at bay waved them all over as he beckoned for help. They turned their lights to her screeching face and skipped over to support their buddy. As they did, she slid down the wall into a hunched-up ball and she clawed at the walls.
With the whole gang of foot soldiers beaming constant light upon her face, it finally gave in. A large demon beast ripped out of her bung hole and flung her limp unconscious body to the side.
The Turd Demon grabbed Getlan.
This demon was bigger, faster and withstanding the light. The gang panic and start to back away, leaving Dookie shining his light directly at the eyes of the beast. Then, D.C. runs in, leaving the safety of his cupboard, he gets right up to the demon and places his soft loving hand on the demon’s arm. He looks straight at Getlan as if the beast wasn’t even there.
Clearly now in pain, the man-sized demon slowly releases its grip on Getlan and drops to a knee. Dookie and the gang watch on, all raising their torches to the weakening beast’s face. It turns its head and D.C. lets it go.
D.C. embraces Getlan and the demon crumbles to dust at the feet of the crippled market leader.
Gorey and Sausage switch the speakers and projector off, swing down from the rafters and join the gang. Dookie tells the managers to slow down and stop panicking.
“We have painkillers and adult diapers for everyone, so just chill out and try not to get anymore shit on yourselves ok”
He shouts out.
Dookie then congratulates the gang and embraces little D.C. for his bravery, he knew it was the love inside the young D.C. that had just saved them all from the large Turd Demon.
As Dookie goes to step outside to get some fresh air and contemplate the next move. Nikel begins to shake. Like someone having a seizure or a suffocating fish, he flops around on the floor and spreads his legs wide, screaming in pain he pushes.
“Something else is coming”
He screamed out to the gang.
They all rushed over to him, Bree grabbed one of his legs and Tupps the other. The rest stood fast, lights on full beam and aimed straight through his ripped trousers and boxers onto the gapping great big torn up hole between his hairy cheeks.
He pushed one great big push, dislocating both his hips and screaming like a footballer that was almost tackled as he did. Then something huge slid out of him at splattering speed! It slid across the moist floor! Way too big to be a log or another demon. Some of the gang grab it and start wiping the brown juice from it as it gasps! They recoil in fear as it pulls itself to its knees and breathes massive gasps of air into its lungs.
Dookie tells the gang to raise their lights…
“It’s Miguel! He must have been up there for years guys! And my god he doesn’t look happy about it!”
States Dookie.
The twitching, shit covered colon dweller stood to his feet and growled at Dookie. All of a sudden, Lollie pounces at him, flashing her light in his face and jolting from side to side laughing and joking as she did. Saying…
“can’t catch me little shit man, ooo can’t catch me, can’t catch me.”
Clearly having too much fun, the young Lollie, turned back with a massive smile on her face and beckoned the other wollies to join in.
Then, the angry man that had lived on nothing for years, but Nikel’ forming stools, threw himself at her. He gripped hold of the hipster as he took her down to the disgusting floor and began to maul her like a hungry lion. Chewing the flesh from her neck he raised his head as the rest of the gang slid into attack mode, with all their lights upon him, his murderous turd demon finally tried to escape its host.
The small, weakened demon slid from Miguel’s cavity like a greasy burger turd on a Sunday morning. It knows it’s beat. The gang torch it and rush to the aid of their friend. The wound, so deep, it’s too late. A fallen hero, she will always be remembered. The snowflakes pick her body up and carry her outside. All shocked and tearful, they sit themselves down next to her and hug one another.
As they console each other, the freed marketplace management team begin to try and walk and crawl outside. They join the snowflakes in the car park and offer their condolences and gratitude for freeing them from their devilish parasites.
Dookie goes back in and drags the barely conscious elusive market leader outside and goes back in for Nikel. He throws the floor manager over his shoulder and makes his way back to the car park.
IT’S ONLY JUST BEGUN!!!
Dookie and the Snowflakes stood in the car park. They took some deep, long breaths of clean fresh air. Clearing their nasal passages of the smelly disgust they had just witnessed. As they did so, the headlights of a vehicle appeared at the top of the dark car park.
The large round lights pause at the entrance. The engine revs up as the driver stomps on the pedal again and again.
Nikel lifts his head a little and cries out
“Oh no, I know that sound, I know that sound Dookie! It’s Dastardly Di the Dick! It’s his bus!
Just then the engine of the bus revved up the tyres chirped against the cheap, slick tarmac of the car park. Dastardly Di the Dick and his suited ass lickers thunder their way down the car park. Straight toward the gathered free souls of the management team and the band of heroes amassed by the front door.
Dookie raises his right arm and holds out his torch and using his thumb he flicks the button to on. Shining the light directly in the face of the driver he walks toward the oncoming menace.
The driver begins to swerve left and right to avoid the ever-approaching beam. Finally, the bus swerves to its left and screeches to a halt in front of Dookie and the team.
The suited ass lickers disembark the bus and form a line. They hiss and screech at the once possessed managers who back away into the shrubbery for any kind of cover. Dookie moves to the centre front of the possessed ass lickers and calls his snowflake army to match the enemies’ position, right behind him.
“Form the line! Form the line for attack! It’s only just begun!”
Dookie screams out.
He adjusts his belly back over his belt and pulls the boxers from his crack.
The young, distraught, snowflakes are pulled to their feet by Gory and Nikel drags himself back inside the marketplace. Just inside, the newly freed man stretches his arm up the wall and gets his bloodied fingers to the control panel. He presses the silent alarm buttons and holds them in for three seconds. He collapses his arm back to the floor, and, spent of energy, loses consciousness.
The snowflakes line up, a pace behind Dookie, all armed with their trusted super lights of a million candles, they recompose themselves. Bree, now holding her fuck buddies light too and holding back her anger, forces out that all important smile.
Dastardly Di the Dick exits the bus to command his ass lickers. With his trusted axe in hand, he encourages them forward. One of the suited men separates from the licker platoon and stands to the side. He loudly reads out highlights of the terms and conditions of employment at Hellmart:
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Thou shall not question thy betters
Thou shall not ask for the following.
More money
time off
union support
respect
honest annual reports
freedom from fear at work
Thou shall not complain that customer facing roles are the worst paid jobs in our customer-based business.
Thou shall not complain our customer facing roles don’t get the bonus structure of office placed roles from sales from the customers they never interact with.
Thou must understand:
respect begins three levels above the market floor workers
you are expendable
your job is not important
Thou will be required to work in other Hellmarts around Dragon Valley as and when required
The Union works for us
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
The licker platoon stomp forward down the car park toward the waiting Snowflakes. The lickers hiss and cackle as Dastardly Di the Dick again, persuades them forth with his enormous axe from behind.
Suddenly the popemobile comes bouncing over the curb, through the small wooden fence and slides in between the two forces. Frank the fucker is in his bullet proof capsule to the rear of the car and Vin Hoisin jumps from the driver’s seat and runs to the Snowflake aid.
Frank the fucker can’t believe it. He tries to hex Vin, but Vin just laughs and gives him the finger!
“I’ve always known you were crooked Frank! I even know it was you who bumped off the last Pope. I just couldn’t prove it!”
He shouts
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